I know Dr. Chamsuddin has a lot of patients. He has treated more than I could probably count; I just want him to know that I have to be the most appreciative one that he will ever have. My family loves him, we get tickled at him a lot especially the last time I saw him. He came by my hospital room on second day, I was in the hospital and told me to go home, I told him I was being released by the doctor on the floor and was just waiting on him to sign me out ... He said "You need to gain weight or I am not going to treat you" I laughed and told him.... "I am not going anywhere I will stalk you, you are totally stuck with me" He laughed, we all laughed. I had not thought about the pressure I put on him writing my blog.. I am sure sometimes he will pull one up to read and roll his eyes at something I have had to say. I just know that without him and his incredible talents I would not be here. I would already be gone. I would be a distant memory in the lives of so many as my family cried for me every day. When I first got sick I remember my sister calling me crying and telling me she wouldn't want to go on in life without me... Those things take your heart strings and can choke you up in a second. I know I am loved. I may not have always known that my whole life, but I know more than I have ever before now, I am and there is no greater feeling. I know through all that I have been through I will live much longer than we ever thought I would 8 months ago. I can still in my mind see that doctor’s face in the emergency room with tears in his eyes telling me I have liver cancer and it was really bad. I don't think I will ever forget that moment in my life. Those words and that morning were a life changer for sure. Nothing anyone had ever said to me before ever hurt that bad. It was painful. So painful that I would not allow myself to believe I would die. I have told myself throughout this journey that "I will not die” I am needed here, I have a 6 year old to protect and raise. Evan has been through every single day of this hell with me, but we both still wake up every day with a smile on our face, and we keep going. I love that little girl. When I was 40, single, and pregnant I questioned my sanity... and now I know that she's what keeps me going. She is my little rock..... Life is short...... Today... is all we have and we may not always have that. It's never easy facing any tough things (decisions) in life. You make your choices in life and then you are left to face the consequences of those decisions, and most times it's not until years later when you are facing them. I have not always made the best choices in life, I smoked for many years, I worked harder than I guess I should have at times, I cared more about money, nice homes, and status than I cared about myself for many years. I have hurt other people and I have been hurt. I have always remained accountable for my actions and for the longest time I blamed myself for things that went wrong when I had nothing really to do with those things. I don't feel that way anymore. I close the past and for me I am looking into the future for my happiness. I have forgiven myself for all my wrong doings and that is all that matters. I just see so many people living in the past. So many people that suffer and blame themselves for everything that just isn't even worth worrying about. Happiness is a choice ... Happiness is so important for a good life... A carefree happy person will live a lot longer then a resentful and self inflicted pain person ever will. Let go and be happy!